PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
the raccoons are back...
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