I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
