Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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