My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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