I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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