Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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