I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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