The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
NoShamevember. You game?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
