I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
