Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
