So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
