My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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