I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
