community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
