She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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