I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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