Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize