I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
