The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
