SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.