im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
