Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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