You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
