So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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