I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he thought i was a dude.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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