jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
