I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
