Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
