dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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