We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
