my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize