Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
