if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
