Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
