She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he thought i was a dude.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
