My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
