I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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