i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
