mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
