Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
