you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
