Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
