I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
