I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you never un-have a 4some
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