The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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