Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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