You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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