when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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