After last night, I could never be a politician.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
