I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
