well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
