Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
