It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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