Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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