i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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