This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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