she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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