how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize