two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
