You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
