I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize