i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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