not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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