During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Houston, we have a squirter
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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