I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
