i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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