no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
