he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just google imaged poop.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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