My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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