smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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