Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
