spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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